TTC....

Anyone who has ever gone throught this vicious cycle knows it can almost destroy you. ALMOST! But we continue all in hopes. Hope for a new little life, hope for another child, another baby. For me it is my rainbow after the storm. I can't tell you how much I feel as if I need this. NEED this. Doesn't that seem silly? I have 2 boys, shouldn't I be happy with the little ones I have, be thankful that I have off spring, 2 amazing boys. I would love to say yes, they are all I need....

I have a daughter in heaven, and I ache to hold her, my arms feel so empty, my womb practically barren, and my heart is broken, for she has taken part of it away, as do all my children, each other them has a piece of my heart... But my little girl took a piece of my heart, and now I feel broken... So I feel as if I need to have more kids, at least one more. Please Lord, 1 little baby to help heal my broken heart, so my arms dont feel empty, and the hurt will slowly heal.

I need closure. I need to know it wasn't me, that I didn't cause her death. I know it sounds silly, but in the back of my mind it is there.... tauting me. I know the enemy uses it to keep me where I am.

So TTC... in the 2WW, and i have a POAS addiction, I use them every day (almost) till AF arrives!!