I feel as if i am reaching a breaking point, I am already so broken and walk around with a smile on my face, and just try to make it through the day. why does EVERY DAY hurt though?
I have a hard time being around babies. around new moms. Its not their fault though right? I mean its not their fault they have a healthy baby while mine is in heaven. Its not their fault.
It doesn't matter that it isn't their fault, does that mean that what I am going through is my fault? that somehow i deserved this? Why? and why me?
I don't love my family any less, despite all their fertility, in fact I would love it if my sisters and my moms would decide to be there for me. but they aren't. Everyone is so BUSY. I love it. Seriously you make time for what is important in your life. and I guess through your actions you show people what is important to you. I try to be the cool aunt and an awesome sister and try to help when I can. No one wants to walk this road. Its so hard for you all to imagine this path I am walking..... Imagining it is hard for you, but I am walking this road. And I have no choice, I cant get off this road now, whats done is done, I cant go back and get my baby girl. I cant bring her back from heaven..... I now have to live the rest of my life without my daughter.
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