miscarriage

yup its true, I am/was pregnant. About 7 weeks. We hadnt told anyone because we knew another pregnancy after losing our Lillian was going to be hard. Emotional. Excited, Paranoid, anxious....  We knew a positive pregnancy test doesn't mean an infant for us.so we kept it on the down low for this reason.

 I started spotting last week, went to ER had blood tests run, HCG was low, real low for a 7 week pregnancy, more like a 2 week pregnancy. Thats ok, I was concerned and prepared for the worst, but figured i never had normal period, possibly was only 2-3 weeks pregnant. Then the ultrasound. It didn't show anything in the uterus, or at least that's what i was told. they didn't show me the screen, so i couldn't see for myself. Even then I hoped and prayed i was just too early to be showing anything yet. Maybe I was only 2-3 weeks pregnant, maybe nothing was showing up. I was sent home, with no official results. still technically pregnant. Continued to spot. and now today I woke up covered in blood... nice.

So today is rough for me. I already lost my Lillian, and now a miscarriage.

On a good note we got pregnant 6 months after losing Lillian so at least we know everything still works and we did have to use fertility drugs.

On a bad note I am miscarrying, hormonal, and was already headed into crazy town. I start counseling on wednesday so maybe they can help me with both of these losses.