church

Well church today was interesting not the normal sermon you expect to hear - or maybe it was the twist the minister put on the sermon. Normally when you hear the verse "Take up your cross and follow me - Anyone who keeps his life will lose it; and anyone who loses his life for me shall find it again. What good is it if you gain the whole world but lose your soul? " (Matthew 16:24-26)

Normally you think - ah I need to prioritize better, put God first, not be so materialistic. (which are all good things to do, really)

Today they spoke about the fact that to literally pick up your cross - Jesus's cross was His suffering and His death for OUR SINS -HE predicted His suffering and His death on the cross. Literally meaning take up your suffering and possible death for Jesus.

They talked about why we suffer here, and that in it we cannot know why, but our heavenly father knows why. That as we cry out to Him - He knows what is better for out, for our soul, for Eternity.

I pictured this as us being toddlers - in the midst of whatever we are going through we may throw a fit when we want something and dont get our way, However as parents we can see the bigger picture and that as long as my child is safe I will let them throw a fit and not get their way, for their own good.

I thought about myself and what I have been going through. (yes I am pretty selfish, I think about myself a lot, especially while I am grieving) Losing my daughter at almost 20 weeks pregnant and having to endure watching other people pregnant and all of them having healthy babies. I have let my grieving turn into bitterness. However if I am bitter I cannot let my Lord heal me. For whatever reason I need to endure, persevere and suffer through this. I need to cry out to my Heavenly Father and let Him heal me. I pray that although I am throwing my tantrum now because I have not gotten my way I pray God will bless me in the future and will use this situation to bring Glory to Him.

more later!